Customs and Culture in US

Culture Shock

When moving to a new community, particularly in a different culture, it is common to experience what is known as "Culture Shock." Culture shock may be defined as the feelings you experience when you are taken out of a familiar environment and thrown into a completely new and different one. It is quite normal for a visitor, anywhere, to feel depressed and isolated once the initial excitement of arrival has worn off. You may feel frustrated and confused with foreign ways and idioms. But hopefully, understanding why Americans behave the way they do may help you understand your own feelings. Some helpful ways to cope with culture shock are:

* Get plenty of rest to deal with the stress and jet lag that you may experience.
* Take time to think and/or talk through your own feelings.
* Make an effort to be optimistic, but not to the point of avoiding negatives that should be expressed.
* Make your new home environment as comfortable as possible.
* Make friends as quickly as possible. If there are others of your nationality on campus, get acquainted. It will give you a support system.
* Keep a diary or journal. This is a helpful way to vent some of the frustrations you might be too embarrassed to speak about. It may also be an interesting record of the changes that occur over time.
* Try not to compare your surroundings to your home area. Things are different!
* Enjoy and explore those differences.
* Keep an open mind and a sense of humor.

These suggestions should help you feel more comfortable in your new surroundings. The rest of this section will let you know what to expect in some areas of American culture.

Greetings

In the U.S., "Hi, how are you?", "Hello, how are you?", or when introduced for the first time, "I'm pleased to meet you," are the most common forms of greeting. "So long", "See you soon", "See you later", "We should get together sometime", are also common expressions used for saying, "Good-bye". An expression such as, "Hello, how are you?" does not require a lengthy answer beyond, "Fine, thank you." Likewise, "See you soon" or "Later" do not imply any definite promise about getting in contact with you in the next few hours or days. They are simply forms of saying "Good-bye."

Social Equality

The American dream is equality for all. Unfortunately this dream has not yet been completely achieved. Americans expect that all people respect an individual regardless of occupation, handicap, sex, race, religion, or sexual orientation. All individuals you meet will expect the same consideration and courtesy.

Both men and women in the United States have an active part in community life. Many women have full-time careers outside the home and in many cases both parents take care of small children and share with home chores. Women who hold positions in the work world expect the same professional respect as do their male counterparts.

Names and Titles

First names are used in the U.S. more frequently than elsewhere. People may call each other by their first names immediately after they have met if they are about the same age and status. The Americans' ready use of first names may make it appear to you that they are oblivious to differences in age and status. They are not. There are subtle differences in vocabulary and manner, depending on the relationship between the people involved. For example, an American is less likely to use slang when speaking to a person who is older, whose social standing is higher, or whom she/he does not know very well.

If you meet a person who has a title such as "Doctor," "Ambassador" or "Dean," use that title and the last (family) name. Any faculty member can be addressed as "Professor" whether she/he holds the rank of assistant professor, associate professor, or full professor. Again, people might ask you to address them by their first names, and you should abide by that wish.

Americans do not use a title followed by a first name. For example, you would not address Elizabeth Taylor as Miss Elizabeth but as Miss Taylor, or, if she asked you to, as Elizabeth. Occasionally, married women use their maiden name (family name at birth) instead of their husband's name. Or they may use both their maiden name and their husband's family name. For example, Jane Smith may be married to Sam Jones. However, her name may now be Jane Smith, Jane Jones, Jane Jones-Smith, or Jane Smith-Jones. The chosen form is consistently used.

The use of "nicknames" is fairly common among Americans. A nickname is not the person's real name, but a name assigned to him/her because of certain physical characteristics, behavior patterns, or some other factor. International students often get nicknames if their own names seem long and unpronounceable to Americans. For example, a student whose name is Nakagawa might come to be known as Naka. Being called by a nickname is not usually uncomplimentary. On the contrary, it may indicate that you are viewed with respect and even affection.

If you are in doubt about what to call a person, ask him/her, "What shall I call you?" Americans will sometimes be confused about what to call you. If you see that a person does not know what to call you, tell him or say, "You may call me ________."

Cleanliness

Americans put a great deal of emphasis on personal cleanliness. The standards of personal cleanliness that an individual maintains determine, to a large degree, the extent to which she/he is accepted into society. Most Americans are very sensitive to the smells and odors of the human body --- sometimes their own, but especially someone else's. For this reason, most Americans bathe once a day and sometimes more during hot weather or after strenuous exercise. They use deodorant or an antiperspirant, and they wash their clothes frequently. Americans are also very concerned about having clean hair and fresh breath.

Smoking

A decreasing number of Americans smoke. Because many Americans dislike being exposed to the cigarette smoke of others, you should not assume that it acceptable to smoke indoors. This is especially true of American homes. You should always ask if it is okay that you smoke before you begin whenever you are indoors in the presence of others. Many public buildings, including restaurants, are designated as "smoke free" environment. This applies to buildings on campus. Therefore you should look for signs which indicate that it is designated smoking area before you begin smoking.

Unspoken Language

Because gestures and unspoken signals have become so automatic, we often forget how they may mean different things in different cultures. To avoid misunderstandings, be sure to keep in mind that the unspoken gesture you exchange with people from other cultures may not say what you think it does. If words and gestures seem to disagree, it might be safer to believe the words.

Shaking hands is common in business and in more formal social gatherings (banquets, and special parties) among both men and women. In more casual social encounters, however, men tend to shake hands with each other more often than women shake hands with women. (In a situation where the other person is quite distinguished or is several years older, she/he usually initiates the handshake.) Handshakes are usually accompanied with "How do you do" or "Nice to meet you" or "Nice to see you again." Usually (except in business) people do not shake hands in subsequent meetings.

Aside from hand-shaking, even same-sex physical contact is generally infrequent in American culture. Under certain circumstances physical contact is appropriate. The best way to learn about customs regarding physical contact is to observe Americans as they interact with others.

While talking with someone, how close you stand to the other person is determined by the degree of familiarity in your relationship. Most Americans like to keep a little private distance between each other when walking side by side, while standing in elevators or anywhere else. But when some contact is unavoidable, a person will say, "Excuse me," thereby indicating she/he is sorry for having violated someone else's personal space. And while Americans generally like to make eye contact in conversing with one another, they do stand two to three feet apart while doing so. A closer distance will make them feel crowded and uncomfortable unless they are very familiar with the person. For example, it is acceptable to stand close to a friend while talking, but it would not be appropriate to stand very close to a professor or school official.

Generally, you will find that the atmosphere in a U.S. university is more relaxed than it is in other countries. However, while Americans tend to be informal, they do place great emphasis on their personal privacy. Because a professor, or a university official, is accessible and friendly with students this does not necessarily mean you can call on him/her at the office or at home without first making an appointment.

Friendship and Dating

Americans are generally considered open and warm people who make new acquaintances easily. Because they are very mobile and place great emphasis on the qualities of individuality, independence, and personal privacy, Americans often have many casual and informal relationships and few lasting friendships. However, in spite of this, many Americans are quite capable and more than willing to take the extra step needed to establish an enduring friendship.

American women have more personal freedom than women from some other countries and are not usually shy with Americans or foreigners. It is not unusual for unmarried women in the U.S. to live by themselves, share living quarters with other unmarried women, or go to public places without a male companion.

The rules for dating Americans are flexible. Generally the initiative comes from the man, but this is not always the case. If you want to get to know someone, it is often wise to ask the person to join you for coffee or a soda or to get together to study. Such short events may prove to be the beginning of a strong and durable friendship. On weekends, a man may ask a woman for an evening date, invite her to dinner, a concert, or a movie. It is no longer automatically assumed that the man will pay for expenses on the date. It is especially common on a university campus for the two people to share the expenses.

Remember that two or three dates by no means indicates that a lasting relationship is developing.

Social Invitations

While , we hope that you will meet and spend time with American families. These hints will make you a little more comfortable when you are invited out.

Acceptance

Your prospective hosts will either phone you, speak to you in person, or send you a written invitation. The invitation is usually for you only unless your hosts specifically invite your family or friends. Bringing a guest of your own without asking your hosts' permission ahead of time is considered impolite.

The written invitation will include the date, time, place, and description of the occasion. You should always answer a written invitation, especially if it says R.S.V.P. (repondez, s'il vous plait). You may respond by telephone or by letter. This helps the hosts with their preparations if you do so promptly.

Never accept an invitation unless you plan to go. If you are going to refuse an invitation, it is enough to say "Thank you for the invitation, but I will not be able to come." If an unavoidable problem makes it necessary for you to change plans, be certain to tell the host as soon as possible before the time when you are expected. When accepting an invitation make certain that you ask for directions to the event.

Food

When accepting an invitation for a meal, be sure to explain to your host if there is any food you do not eat. This courtesy will help the host plan food and drink for everyone to enjoy together. If you must refuse something after it is prepared, refuse politely. Never hesitate to ask for any food on the dinner table ("Would you please pass me the vegetables?") since a request for more food is considered a compliment to the hostess.

Drink

Tap water is safe to drink and usually used by Americans as their normal drinking water. At Holiday and elaborate meals you may be given ice water in addition to another beverage. Americans generally do not drink alcoholic beverages with their meals. However, wines are frequently served at meals when guests are present. If you are offered an alcoholic beverage it is acceptable either to drink them in moderation or to decline. In most of the U.S. it is illegal for anyone under the age of 21 to drink alcohol. Those who are under 21 and drink alcoholic beverages, even at parties in private homes, risk being arrested.

Promptness

Being on time is very important in American society. Schools and classes, plays, concerts, public meetings, weddings, and formal dinners begin as scheduled. It is considered impolite to be even a few minutes late. Family dinners are a little more flexible and informal, but you should still be on time. You may attend a cocktail party or reception at any time between the stated hours.

Informality

Dining with a friend or family can either be formal or informal. Formality is an honor, but the informality gives you a chance to get to know your hosts and for them to get to know you. You should ask the host what to wear if the invitation does not give you an idea. Your national dress is always appropriate.

It is not necessary to bring a gift for any member of the family or even for the host or hostess, unless it is a special occasion (such as his/her birthday or an important holiday like Christmas). Although Americans do not usually expect gifts from their guests, it is often a courtesy to do so. If you have visited several times, you may wish to bring a small token of appreciation for the hosts. Always bring a small gift when you are invited as house guest for an extended visit. While edible gifts are usually appropriate, because of food allergies, medical problems, religious reasons, or personal preferences; gifts other than food or drink may by more appreciated by your host.

Gifts

As a rule, gifts are given to relatives and close friends. They are sometimes given to people with whom one has a casual but friendly relationship, such as a host or hostess, but it is not necessary or even common for gifts to be given to such people. Gifts are not usually given to teachers or others who hold official positions. The offering of gifts in these situations is sometimes interpreted as a possibly improper effort to gain favorable treatment from that person. Christmas (December 25) is a gift-giving day, and it is when most Americans give gifts. Gifts are also given on occasions which are special to the recipient --- birthdays, graduation from high school or college, weddings, and childbirths. Gifts are sometimes given when someone has a new house or is moving away.

Generally, an effort is made to select a gift which the giver knows or supposes is one the recipient needs, wants, or would enjoy. The amount spent on the gift is something the giver can afford. Generally, it is not expected that people on limited incomes will spend a large amount of money on a gift. Expensive gifts are to be expected only when the people involved have a very close relationship with each other.

If a gift is opened in the presence of the giver (as is often done), a verbal expression of thanks is appropriate. If a gift is opened in the absence of a giver, a thank-you note should be sent. The note should make specific mention of the particular gift that has been sent.

Tipping

Service charges, or "tips" (meaning "to insure proper service") are most often not added to the bill in American hotels, restaurants, and barber shops/beauty parlors, but are often expected and needed by the employees. In restaurants tip the waiter/waitress about 15% of the check. In a hotel, the bellboy who takes you to your room receives at least $1.00 for his service. The person who cuts your hair may or may not accept tips, however, an average tip would be $1.00. The amount of a tip depends on you and if you feel that you have received good service.

Time Schedules

Accomplishment and progress are measured by the way time is spent. For this reason, punctuality is considered essential in conducting every day activities. One is expected to arrive at the stated time for an appointment with a professor, doctor, or other professional. On social occasions, however, such as parties, dinners and the like, more flexibility is tolerated.

Families: Generally it is considered polite to phone someone after 9 am and before 9 pm and either before or after the dinner hour (5:30 pm - 7:30 pm). If you plan to visit an American home, a phone call prior to going would be appreciated by the people you are visiting.

Business Hours: Most businesses and stores are open Monday through Friday, with many stores and restaurants open on Saturdays and Sundays. Very few stores are open after 9 pm except for supermarkets, drug stores, and convenience stores.

Appointments: It is always wise to call professional offices to make appointments to ensure being able to see someone. Again, promptness is expected in business and professional appointments.